May « 2003 « jerrychacon.com

On Memorial Day every year, our friends Jan and Alex have a lamb roast. A key element of each year’s celebration is a “roasting” or “toasting” of the lamb. Various participants come before the assembled mob to share thoughts, poems, toasts, stories, or whatever. It is a time for sharing and for bonding. Some guests fly in from as far away as NYC for the event. It really is a treat to see everyone each year.

This year, yours truly stepped forward with an open letter to his daughter, Malena. Due to overwhelming demand (no less than three people asked for a copy of the letter), here it is….

A Letter to Malena:

I wonder about your world.

When I try to look at your world through your eyes, I find your world fascinating, joyful, difficult, uncompromising and sometimes unfathomable.

With a focus only on the present and with no past to look back on, and no concept of a future to come, you are so unburdened and so open.

Still, I can’t help but look through your eyes and wonder at things — things that, as of yet, you haven’t even considered worthy of the bother.

I wonder about what your dreams will be,
what your hopes will be,
what your fears will be.

I wonder if you will have secret crushes, pet peeves, silly quirks.

I wonder what you will think of your Mom and me. When you think of fairness, caring and integrity, will you think of us? Will you think of yourself?

I wonder what your challenges will be. I wonder how you will meet them. I wonder how early you will learn that there are only three possible choices to any challenge: change it, leave it, or accept it as if you chose it. Will you learn this vital lesson before your father does? If you do, will you teach me?

I wonder what your thoughts will be about birth and death. I wonder when you will return to the wonderful state you occupy today — not knowing that you are separate from everything else.

I wonder when I will re-discover that I am not separate from everything else.

In the here and now, I will keep trying to look through your eyes; and [RAISE GLASS]…May I learn some of what you have to teach, before you learn too much from me.

That one should keep Jack Kornfield busy for a while….

Well, our daughter was born on Monday, April 14, 2003 at 7:09am in San Jose, CA. The whole experience was amazing (I know that “amazing” is so cliche when it comes to a birth, but I am still without words…even six weeks later). The key (of course) was my wife, who was simply wonderful…the epitome of calm and relaxed and open and without expecations or preconceptions. The key supporting cast member was an absolutely honoring, strong, calm, intuative and caring midwife named Monika. If any of you are blessed to come across this woman, I hope that you enjoy the meeting…I know we did.

Malena (Ma-lay-na) is now six weeks old. I hear that she is quite a happy baby, but when I see her (mostly in the evening) she usually has her eyes screwed shut and her mouth wide open (screaming)!

I am beginning to take this a little personally. When I pick her up, she screams. When I change her diaper, she screams. When I try to put her to bed, she screams. When my wife does any of these things, Malena quiets down as soon as my wife touches her. How does that work? I know that my wife is beginning to hate the fact that her “job description” is becoming set in stone. So, it seems that nothing is entirely good or bad. It would be great for both my wife and I if Malena would let me take care of her. Of course, if I was a typical male, I would be seceretly jumping up and down that I don’t have to do the Mr. Mom thing…but then a big part of me wants to do that stuff. You can’t win for losing.