So I am a little late to the game….

I have been re-energized in my enjoyment of all things Mac by the recent MacWorld Expo. I have been spending time exploring (and anticipating) Tiger. All is good.

And then I come across and RSS feed on cool tools for OS X. I am introduced to Konfabulator. Given how tricked out my Firefox is, it is shocking how I did not find Konfabulator earlier. But then I asked the obvious question. Is this Dashboard? Sorry I am late to this one.

All I can say is that I was intially outraged by the MacWorld article. I am glad I found the Dennis Sellers blog.

All I can do is chalk this one up to being way out of the loop. For now, I will just watch. Oh, but this morning I paid my $20 to Arlo….he deserves it. AND I will buy Tiger.

And now for something really important…

Would you believe that I have nothing to write?

What’s funny about this is that I have plenty of time right now to write, but I have nothing to write. Perhaps I should get back to work.

A Father’s Feeding Dilemma

When I try to feed my daughter there really is no choice.

I have to use a bottle.

Last night, Malena did not enjoy the variety in feeding options. She screamed. She wailed. She screamed some more.

So there I sit. The only way I can calm her is to put my pinky finger in her mouth (upside down, no less). She sucks ferociously. The image of paint being stripped off of a lead pipe comes to mind. Every time I extract my finger�screaming, wailing. But then I notice. Where are those tears that first emerged two weeks ago?

Note: When my daughter cries (i.e., cheeks wet with tears), the visual shreds your heart into pieces smaller than an Enron spreadsheet.

But where are those tears now?

What? Is this anger? Is this stubbornness? I can outlast you, my little adversary. Where do you think that you got that stubbornness from anyway? Your Mom and I are the masters.

Little does my daughter know. She can get anything from me with tears…and nothing with stubbornness.

Here’s to hoping that my little manipulator to be doesn’t learn that trick anytime soon.

The Lamb Roast Toast

On Memorial Day every year, our friends Jan and Alex have a lamb roast. A key element of each year’s celebration is a “roasting” or “toasting” of the lamb. Various participants come before the assembled mob to share thoughts, poems, toasts, stories, or whatever. It is a time for sharing and for bonding. Some guests fly in from as far away as NYC for the event. It really is a treat to see everyone each year.

This year, yours truly stepped forward with an open letter to his daughter, Malena. Due to overwhelming demand (no less than three people asked for a copy of the letter), here it is….

A Letter to Malena:

I wonder about your world.

When I try to look at your world through your eyes, I find your world fascinating, joyful, difficult, uncompromising and sometimes unfathomable.

With a focus only on the present and with no past to look back on, and no concept of a future to come, you are so unburdened and so open.

Still, I can’t help but look through your eyes and wonder at things — things that, as of yet, you haven’t even considered worthy of the bother.

I wonder about what your dreams will be,
what your hopes will be,
what your fears will be.

I wonder if you will have secret crushes, pet peeves, silly quirks.

I wonder what you will think of your Mom and me. When you think of fairness, caring and integrity, will you think of us? Will you think of yourself?

I wonder what your challenges will be. I wonder how you will meet them. I wonder how early you will learn that there are only three possible choices to any challenge: change it, leave it, or accept it as if you chose it. Will you learn this vital lesson before your father does? If you do, will you teach me?

I wonder what your thoughts will be about birth and death. I wonder when you will return to the wonderful state you occupy today — not knowing that you are separate from everything else.

I wonder when I will re-discover that I am not separate from everything else.

In the here and now, I will keep trying to look through your eyes; and [RAISE GLASS]…May I learn some of what you have to teach, before you learn too much from me.

That one should keep Jack Kornfield busy for a while….

…and now, here she is…Malena Angela Chacon

Well, our daughter was born on Monday, April 14, 2003 at 7:09am in San Jose, CA. The whole experience was amazing (I know that “amazing” is so cliche when it comes to a birth, but I am still without words…even six weeks later). The key (of course) was my wife, who was simply wonderful…the epitome of calm and relaxed and open and without expecations or preconceptions. The key supporting cast member was an absolutely honoring, strong, calm, intuative and caring midwife named Monika. If any of you are blessed to come across this woman, I hope that you enjoy the meeting…I know we did.

Malena (Ma-lay-na) is now six weeks old. I hear that she is quite a happy baby, but when I see her (mostly in the evening) she usually has her eyes screwed shut and her mouth wide open (screaming)!

I am beginning to take this a little personally. When I pick her up, she screams. When I change her diaper, she screams. When I try to put her to bed, she screams. When my wife does any of these things, Malena quiets down as soon as my wife touches her. How does that work? I know that my wife is beginning to hate the fact that her “job description” is becoming set in stone. So, it seems that nothing is entirely good or bad. It would be great for both my wife and I if Malena would let me take care of her. Of course, if I was a typical male, I would be seceretly jumping up and down that I don’t have to do the Mr. Mom thing…but then a big part of me wants to do that stuff. You can’t win for losing.